Dark Horse is rated Mature! Although a part of the "magical girl" genre, Dark Horse has nudity, swearing, sexual situations, and violence, as well as adult themes and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
(From this point forward, I’ll be listing any issues with textures separately. I’m aware you’re working on redraws, so let me know if this line of feedback is no longer necessary.)
Motion lines for Dragonfriend are somewhat non-indicative; the short downward curves don’t follow Dragon’s leap upward. (Also, they’re too thin to stand out against the background.)
COMMENTARY:
I do like how Rin taps her foot in annoyance on this page. I don’t recall if this is a quirk of hers as shown in subsequent chapters, but here it seems like it could be.
That said, I still think Dragon is weirdly enthusiastic given what they’re about to reveal about the girls in the next few pages, unless they’re just relieved to be out in the open at last. If that’s the case, how have they avoided being spotted by normies this whole time, including in the tree-free, open street where they got curb-stomped? And how secluded is the forest where Kanna and Rin are standing?
(I do hope you don’t completely mind my nitpicking. I’m doing my best to focus on things that could be improved or may need clarification, but I do often overlook or overthink things, so apologies for that.)
Regarding textures, you can skip the rest of Act 1 & Act 2: you’ve done a good job covering that, and it’s in Act 3 where I take a turn and try to draw out more of my backgrounds to address this issue. I think it’s gotten better, but that would be a great place for another pair of eyes.
Noted on the motion lines. Good point.
Rin’s foot tapping is indicative of her having a bit of a short attention span, and lots of energy. I’m glad that’s a plus :3
2 Comments
FEEDBACK:
Busy textures: background
(From this point forward, I’ll be listing any issues with textures separately. I’m aware you’re working on redraws, so let me know if this line of feedback is no longer necessary.)
Motion lines for Dragonfriend are somewhat non-indicative; the short downward curves don’t follow Dragon’s leap upward. (Also, they’re too thin to stand out against the background.)
COMMENTARY:
I do like how Rin taps her foot in annoyance on this page. I don’t recall if this is a quirk of hers as shown in subsequent chapters, but here it seems like it could be.
That said, I still think Dragon is weirdly enthusiastic given what they’re about to reveal about the girls in the next few pages, unless they’re just relieved to be out in the open at last. If that’s the case, how have they avoided being spotted by normies this whole time, including in the tree-free, open street where they got curb-stomped? And how secluded is the forest where Kanna and Rin are standing?
(I do hope you don’t completely mind my nitpicking. I’m doing my best to focus on things that could be improved or may need clarification, but I do often overlook or overthink things, so apologies for that.)
Regarding textures, you can skip the rest of Act 1 & Act 2: you’ve done a good job covering that, and it’s in Act 3 where I take a turn and try to draw out more of my backgrounds to address this issue. I think it’s gotten better, but that would be a great place for another pair of eyes.
Noted on the motion lines. Good point.
Rin’s foot tapping is indicative of her having a bit of a short attention span, and lots of energy. I’m glad that’s a plus :3
See pg. 14 response regarding dragon expressions.