Dark Horse is rated Mature! Although a part of the "magical girl" genre, Dark Horse has nudity, swearing, sexual situations, and violence, as well as adult themes and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
Busy textures. Motion lines clash with our dragon’s scales.
In addition, you may want to consider removing the still frame of Dragonfriend in their crouching state, as its position and pose don’t segue well into Dragonfriend’s leaping into flight on the rest of the page.
COMMENTARY:
I may be biased given that this is technically my third reading of Dark Horse, but Dragonfriend seems rather excited on this page for someone about to, ah, break bad news to our heroines. Not sure why they’d be so elated to make the announcement they eventually do.
Good points. I initially thought I should have “ghosted” the seated dragon, but complete removal makes sense, too.
Yeah, I can change mood. When I first started, I had an idea that things were going to get heavy, but not the direction I actually ended up taking them. So while it was playing to keep things light hearted at the beginning, the mood doesn’t fit the heaviness of the where the story is going. Not that I’m omitting comedy. I’m just agreeing that I think you’re right. Especially considering how much *dragon character* actually goes through, and the events of the night he traveled back in time. I hadn’t written that part yet, and yeah. 100% agree I need to change his expressions and the way he talks.
I’ve read future comments, so I’ll not address this again since we’re in agreement.
2 Comments
FEEDBACK:
Busy textures. Motion lines clash with our dragon’s scales.
In addition, you may want to consider removing the still frame of Dragonfriend in their crouching state, as its position and pose don’t segue well into Dragonfriend’s leaping into flight on the rest of the page.
COMMENTARY:
I may be biased given that this is technically my third reading of Dark Horse, but Dragonfriend seems rather excited on this page for someone about to, ah, break bad news to our heroines. Not sure why they’d be so elated to make the announcement they eventually do.
Good points. I initially thought I should have “ghosted” the seated dragon, but complete removal makes sense, too.
Yeah, I can change mood. When I first started, I had an idea that things were going to get heavy, but not the direction I actually ended up taking them. So while it was playing to keep things light hearted at the beginning, the mood doesn’t fit the heaviness of the where the story is going. Not that I’m omitting comedy. I’m just agreeing that I think you’re right. Especially considering how much *dragon character* actually goes through, and the events of the night he traveled back in time. I hadn’t written that part yet, and yeah. 100% agree I need to change his expressions and the way he talks.
I’ve read future comments, so I’ll not address this again since we’re in agreement.