Dark Horse is rated Mature! Although a part of the "magical girl" genre, Dark Horse has nudity, swearing, sexual situations, and violence, as well as adult themes and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
1st panel – Not entirely sure it’s necessary to differentiate between Kanna and Rin with initials. It has the potential to disrupt reader immersion, since Dark Horse isn’t a screenplay or script where the stage instructions are part of the text.
Also, Rin’s second line seems to work just fine as part of her main dialogue. It answers Kanna’s unspoken question, and it doesn’t contain information that Rin would want to keep to herself as an aside might.
3rd panel – Texture issues. Thanks to their scales, Dragonfriend is nearly impossible to see against the tree roots.
I think there may be some minor inconsistencies with how internal dialogue is being formatted so far, but I’ll have to revisit the previous pages first.
Gotcha. And probably (regarding internal dialogue). I *think* I’ve standardized that for the most part these days, but I’d have to check.
For some reason in these early pages, I was trying to put all of dragon’s text into a different font. I stopped doing that. “Okay here we go” is his internal dialogue (just a clarification).
There’s a lot that when I get to redoing these pages I’m going to be more conscious of, such as the textures. I’ll keep most of my comments brief here, since I pretty much agree and am just taking note.
2 Comments
1st panel – Not entirely sure it’s necessary to differentiate between Kanna and Rin with initials. It has the potential to disrupt reader immersion, since Dark Horse isn’t a screenplay or script where the stage instructions are part of the text.
Also, Rin’s second line seems to work just fine as part of her main dialogue. It answers Kanna’s unspoken question, and it doesn’t contain information that Rin would want to keep to herself as an aside might.
3rd panel – Texture issues. Thanks to their scales, Dragonfriend is nearly impossible to see against the tree roots.
I think there may be some minor inconsistencies with how internal dialogue is being formatted so far, but I’ll have to revisit the previous pages first.
Gotcha. And probably (regarding internal dialogue). I *think* I’ve standardized that for the most part these days, but I’d have to check.
For some reason in these early pages, I was trying to put all of dragon’s text into a different font. I stopped doing that. “Okay here we go” is his internal dialogue (just a clarification).
There’s a lot that when I get to redoing these pages I’m going to be more conscious of, such as the textures. I’ll keep most of my comments brief here, since I pretty much agree and am just taking note.