Act One: Page Twelve Act One: Page Twelve published on February 26, 2019Read more posts by the author of Act One: Page Twelve, Ashleen Woods3 Comments on Act One: Page Twelve
Not sure why these lines aren’t in speech bubbles:
“Am I right?”
It may just be me, but I typically associate thoughts with transparent or blurred backgrounds, particularly if they’re not enclosed in bubbles.
And speaking of Rin, was she supposed to be in the scene before her implied trek into the forest? Because if yes, she’s been oddly quiet and distant for someone usually so exuberantly attached to Kanna, not to mention the lack of footprints and—yes, again—sound effects. Oh, and how far away is Kanna from Ice-Cream Pagoda at this point that only she noticed Rin’s absence?
“Am I right” is a small aside. I was intending for that to be spoken a bit softer. But “Heeey Rhina” should be in a bubble.
Regarding where is Rin: See next page. I should have established she was there while Kanna was ordering, and that Rin already had her ice-cream. Maybe have her looking around and make it noticeable she sees someone and wanders off. *Taking note of that.*
Kanna’s still at the stand, there’s a poorly drawn garbage bin in the lower left. Whole page could use another redraw. I doubt anyone notices the dragon.
Asides: Ohhh, that makes sense! Yeah, I had a feeling the first line was supposed to be an aside, but I wasn’t entirely sure. This is one of those moments where it’s extra apparent that Dark Horse is strongly influenced by manga, since I’ve noticed that non-manga-style comics typically enclose asides, whispers, etc in speech bubbles, sometimes with perforated outlines.
As for the second line, I agree. One of the other webcomics I read, Theseus by Jordan Holt, does leave out the bubbles whenever the characters are shouting or experiencing Power Echoes (aka when their voices develop an echo from power increases). But Holt’s art style tends to feature few to no outlines, including the speech bubbles themselves, so it’s less jarring when the dialogue escapes its usual confines.
Rin’s whereabouts: Yeah, that would’ve helped. Or maybe if Kanna looked around for Rin for a beat in the second panel? Since the time skip to Friday opens in Kanna’s perspective and all.
Details: I’ll admit I didn’t notice the rubbish bin or our dragon pal behind the tree until you pointed them out. My bad! I was so focused on the dialogue I missed those parts of the page.
One suggestion is to keep Dragonfriend as they are, but maybe have the tip of their tail peek out from behind the roots. That way they might be more noticeable to the readers but still remain hidden to Kanna, who’d be too busy looking for Rin to spot them anyway.