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Over 100 full color pages of magical girl goodness! Featuring Dark Horse one-shot "How I Spent My Vacation". Kickstarter active now!
“otherside” –> “other side” (unless quoting a song where it is spelled that way, in which case nvm)
“Those of you who knew her best talk about her often” –> “Those of you who know her best…” (?)
*I find this line ambiguous as I simultaneously read it as a) Rin’s half-joking eulogy to her past (i.e., pre-high school) self, b) a swaggering ode to Rin’s greatness, and c) an exhortation to celebrate Rin by “talk[ing] about her often”. Not sure if the ambiguity was intentional or if I’m just overthinking it, which happens a lot.
FEEDBACK:
I would have liked to see onomatopoeia or movement lines for the ticking clock in the upper-right corner. The first time I read this page, it took me a few seconds to realize the movement of the clock arms was rendered frame by frame. Same goes for Rin’s pencil-on-paper doodling. To be fair, though, I am not deaf/Deaf or of low hearing more generally, so I tend to assume movements and actions are accompanied by the requisite sounds unless otherwise indicated (e.g., author is deaf, no sound in-universe due to vacuum).
COMMENTARY (i.e., subjective interpretations):
Minor issue, but I’m not sure why Kanna and Rin’s classmates seem so hostile toward Rin. Their verbiage strikes me as surprisingly intense in its contempt, so I’m expecting their aggressive attitudes to come up again later.
Thanks for catching that typo! It is spelled wrong.
The quote is from The Shawshank Redemption. If you have neither read, or seen this film, it is SUPERB. I think the film is almost better than the book, since casting Morgan Freeman was a much better choice for political commentary than the Red in the novella. It’s part of Different Seasons, by Steven King. I’ve read three of the novellas, and they are good. The Body was turned into Stand By Me, which is near and dear to my heart since my sister and cousins and I all watched it a billion times; Apt Pupil captures very well how evil can easily corrupt a misguided youth; Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption is just…it’s very good. You gotta read or watch it; I still need to read The Breathing Method.
It’s mostly a half swagger work around of her self aggrandizing XD
Good point on the clock! Eventually, if I ever get enough readers/supporters to do a Kickstarter, I plan to rework the art for a Volume 1 (similar to how Naoko Takeuchi redid art for the re-release of Sailor Moon). This will never happen, though, as I’ll never reach that level of popularity XD More realistic goal: I will make little edits in the future as when I get my buffer built back up :3
Oh yeah, their peers are just disproportionately assholes, and I did not put enough context. Rin is really loud and kinda of obnoxious sometimes XD These early pages (though redrawn) are from college and a reflection of some venting on my own schooldays. I did not like most of my peers in 6th/7th/8th grade. So this was a petty “revenge” page XD But story-wise, you are right: I need more context, as there’s not enough to get why they’re like that, so that will be added when I get to more school scenes (we’ve discussed how I was going to order things, so no need to talk about that here). It’s also a bad habit I picked up from some older (80s/90s) anime where the kids are just out of no where insanely mean XD I will take note of this so I don’t forget.
2 Comments
TYPOS:
“otherside” –> “other side” (unless quoting a song where it is spelled that way, in which case nvm)
“Those of you who knew her best talk about her often” –> “Those of you who know her best…” (?)
*I find this line ambiguous as I simultaneously read it as a) Rin’s half-joking eulogy to her past (i.e., pre-high school) self, b) a swaggering ode to Rin’s greatness, and c) an exhortation to celebrate Rin by “talk[ing] about her often”. Not sure if the ambiguity was intentional or if I’m just overthinking it, which happens a lot.
FEEDBACK:
I would have liked to see onomatopoeia or movement lines for the ticking clock in the upper-right corner. The first time I read this page, it took me a few seconds to realize the movement of the clock arms was rendered frame by frame. Same goes for Rin’s pencil-on-paper doodling. To be fair, though, I am not deaf/Deaf or of low hearing more generally, so I tend to assume movements and actions are accompanied by the requisite sounds unless otherwise indicated (e.g., author is deaf, no sound in-universe due to vacuum).
COMMENTARY (i.e., subjective interpretations):
Minor issue, but I’m not sure why Kanna and Rin’s classmates seem so hostile toward Rin. Their verbiage strikes me as surprisingly intense in its contempt, so I’m expecting their aggressive attitudes to come up again later.
Thanks for catching that typo! It is spelled wrong.
The quote is from The Shawshank Redemption. If you have neither read, or seen this film, it is SUPERB. I think the film is almost better than the book, since casting Morgan Freeman was a much better choice for political commentary than the Red in the novella. It’s part of Different Seasons, by Steven King. I’ve read three of the novellas, and they are good. The Body was turned into Stand By Me, which is near and dear to my heart since my sister and cousins and I all watched it a billion times; Apt Pupil captures very well how evil can easily corrupt a misguided youth; Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption is just…it’s very good. You gotta read or watch it; I still need to read The Breathing Method.
It’s mostly a half swagger work around of her self aggrandizing XD
Good point on the clock! Eventually, if I ever get enough readers/supporters to do a Kickstarter, I plan to rework the art for a Volume 1 (similar to how Naoko Takeuchi redid art for the re-release of Sailor Moon). This will never happen, though, as I’ll never reach that level of popularity XD More realistic goal: I will make little edits in the future as when I get my buffer built back up :3
Oh yeah, their peers are just disproportionately assholes, and I did not put enough context. Rin is really loud and kinda of obnoxious sometimes XD These early pages (though redrawn) are from college and a reflection of some venting on my own schooldays. I did not like most of my peers in 6th/7th/8th grade. So this was a petty “revenge” page XD But story-wise, you are right: I need more context, as there’s not enough to get why they’re like that, so that will be added when I get to more school scenes (we’ve discussed how I was going to order things, so no need to talk about that here). It’s also a bad habit I picked up from some older (80s/90s) anime where the kids are just out of no where insanely mean XD I will take note of this so I don’t forget.